I had the “big question” today.
The perfect Mama Bird is on vacation for two days.
So It’s Boston and I.
And he asked me…
“Pop can I have some friends over and play peer bong?”
………….
…………
………..
I just didn’t know how to answer at first.
My response was this…
I need 6 minutes.
And he laughed, cause he knew I was grindin.
My kid is an amazing kid. His friends are good people. They aren’t burnout types. They are all committed to what’s important to them as individuals. They aren’t punks.
That bein said, I said I needed all the kids that were gonna be there needed their parents to call me so I could make sure that they were ok with the personal decisions their almost adult children were making.
That was immediately shot down.
And my child, my boy man, most certainly went elsewhere to beerpong.
But THREE things happened…
A. I know my child will make a smart decision, and I’m very lucky we talk.
B. When he said no, I didn’t have to be the parent that let’s kids drink around me, wondering if I have made a decision for other parents.
C. I was able to set a new precedent for my friends. Something I wasn’t smart enough to thing about, but through MY experience and my trust in Boston, we figured out so we can help others.
This is the worst connundrum ever for a parent.
I have to say, if i had permission from every parent in the building I woulda presided over underage drinking. I woulda taken their keys and they woulda slept over my watchful eye.
Instead, Boston decided against that proposition, and definitely went and drank elsewhere.
But I stood firm. And honestly, I did, because I know my son would call me if he was hammered. He would’t drive. And if he was in trouble, I’d know.
Teenagers tell their parents 30 percent of what is going on.
Maybe naively, I think I know 75.
Either way, I just feel really lucky to have the dialogue I have with him.
This shit is really hard. For every parent in America.
I have no clue if I even did right.
I just know my kid feels SAFER.
Boston knows mom and dad are gonna understand, hear him, give him an honest answer, and grow.
Thank God for his Mama.
Bird, I love you….
20 Comments
For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing. That’s such a tough one and I’m sure there are a ton of people out there that think that by not allowing them to drink at your house you are endangering them by forcing them to drink and drive. This is patently ridiculous.
Kids are going to experiment and drink no matter what we do, that’s just the way it is. That doesn’t mean that we as parents have to say that underage drinking is ok.
I see way too many parents out there trying to be too much of a “buddy”, and not enough of a parent.
Between you and Peete, you got it covered.
Peer bong, is this a drinking game? Somebody please tell me what peerbong is? I agree with you Shane. You acted like a responsible parent. Good stuff. Boston is so fortunate to feel so safe with you and Bird.
Great dialogue.
Mika, thank you for the link explaining what beer pong is.
I always told my parents the truth…six months later.
Good luck – I’m grateful I’m not a parent because that’s got to be SO hard right now. Best to you and Boston. And yes, keep the dialogue going. That’s THE most important part of being a parent – letting them be able to come to you and discuss things.
Hmmm….the other side of this story was just in the local paper…
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2012690412_girlinjured22m.html
Even though you cut ties, I still read your blog. One thing that wasn’t mentioned is that if any one of the kid/adults had been injured leaving your residence you would be held liable. Kids don’t think of consequences, they don’t think any further than the minute they are in. They are 10 feet tall & bullet proof, until tragedy strikes. Communication is KEY. I got my call New Years eve when BOTH my sons had crashed their motorcycles. I don’t wish it on any parent.Thank God they were both ok & learned a huge lesson from it. Boston is a lucky young man. Peace.
I give you credit for taking the time to sit down with him and talk about it. But all I can think about is… what example are you setting by saying, “I know it’s against the law, but I say it’s okay, so go ahead.” By caving on underage drinking, you are saying that your opinion is above the law. So you have a good relationsip with your kid and because he’s young so he thinks “Hey my dad’s cool, he’ll let me and my friends drink alcohol at the house, so why would he care if we smoke crack? Or why would he care if we drove the car without a license? He’s cool… it’s alright to do whatever.” Your kid is underage… if he screws up, or if one of his friends gets hurt or dies because of an action YOU condoned or even provided for, you may end up being sued or even going to jail. Not worth it to me. So be a cool dad and just tell him, NO, it’s against the law.
youve disappeard again! me= sad face. (your blog is one of my favs) i imagine the last few days have been hard on you… *thinkin of you and hope you’re doin ok. xox
God, Shane. You should just stop the blog altogether. This is ridiculous.
I’ve always been straight up with my parents like that too. That’s excellent that you can have that relationship, i’m definitely grateful i had it when i look around to my friends up bringings.
is this why you’ve taken such a break from blogging?
http://robdarkensstylist.tumblr.com/post/1045359174/if-you-could-be-anyone-in-this-pic-who-would-you
I’m not a parent. I still live with my parents. But I think you did the right thing. A lot of parents ask their kids to be honest with them and then when the kids are they punish them for making bad decisions and it just has a negative affect. Boston is a lucky dude to be able to have open communication with you, and you’re a lucky dude to have a teenage son that trusts he can use that open communication with you. I know that I could’ve been completely honest with my parents when I was a teen, but I rarely was because they were so lenient with things I just didn’t think they cared what I was doing. It’s hard to find the balance between buddy and parent and I think you’re doing an admirable job.
ummmmm…. where ya @!?!?! and how come you no blog no more?!?!?!
i really miss laughing @, disagreeing with, & being offended by you!!! come back xoxoxoxoxo
Hey big guy. Miss your musings and ramblings. Miss your laugh, your bewilderment, your curiosity, your anger, and your love for your fellow man. I miss my friend.
xo
m
The moment has passed. Time to post a new one. *HINT*
loser…
Shane, I think you did the right “good for your child” thing. Teens are going to do what they want to do and what their peers want them to do.
Teaching him the importance of open communication of what he is into or doing, where he is going as well as setting expectations of what to do and not do in certain alcohol-inhibited scenarios is to be commended.
Once again, I am proud of you. : )