Adam sent me a pic of him running out to the pitchers mound, wearin a Mets Jersey. It was another page in a row that I have had gotten focussed only on him and his ego. His desire to chase more adulation as he was more than likely knee deep in a prescription pain pill addiction, that he told me was under control.
He had just been in a plane crash and survived with crazy burns.
When he talked of the viocdon use I understood. Painkillers are for pain. Use away.
But the painkillers led way way to more.
The proud pic of him with his goofy smile just before he headed to the mound was the last interaction we had.
He died four days later.
In FOUR days his crack, his BABY, and the pills, killed him.
FOUR DAYS.
96 hours.
Sure it was created by months of lies by takin the painkillers….
I may not have even hit him up in those four days, because he was always travelling at this point, for years, and there would be lapses in my brain in thnkin about hittin him because I would think “right, he’ll be back next Saturday”.
A year ago today Adam and I spoke for the very last time.
I promise the entire world if he had to do it all over again, he woulda gotten honest with someone and told them about his pain medication shit.
It led to the real “party”. And his death.
And I know for a fact he died in vain.
And the world lost a super talent.
And a better human.
2 Comments
I was moved to tears reading this.. I miss him, I have to wonder and ask why.. I try to find some reason in the unreasonable, some sense in the senseless.. you said his death was in vain… I disagree. Yes, we miss him, his talent, his personality.. I never saw the guy without a bunch of newcomers in tow. his dedication to helping others is inspiring. Two of my closest friends are alive and sober and well today because of Adam’s intervention in their lives. He never gave up on them and neither did I. I’m sober today by a grace from God that I don’t understand or deserve, but I look to Adam as inspiration and every new girl that walks into my life gets my full attention and love. No way was his death in vain.. Through his loss, he’s still helping me & my friends to stay clean and give back.. Sad, yes… In Vain.. No… This life is a struggle, no one knows the depth of his demons, all I know is that he’s at peace now.. he doesn’t have to struggle with the gorilla at the door anymore. He never meant to go out the way that he did, you have to know that.. I have no doubt that when Adam entered heaven, he was greeted with love and a job well done… I have to believe that..
I didn’t know him, but I’ve heard so many awesome things about him. I admit, I don’t fully understand addiction (even though I know I’m addicted to the internet, but that’s not the same thing as a chemical addiction, I think), but I have huge respect for people who’ve gone through it and done their best to overcome it. I don’t think his death was in vain, because he helped so many people. Hopefully he helped you remember to keep reaching out to friends and to remember how precious time is.