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June 13, 2009

The "sweater"

I haven’t had one of these types of mamas in a long time, but they turn me the fuck on. Call me weird. Actually I’m sure that’s been uttered. Call me weirder.

The best “sweater” I ever had was the day before I left to move to Los Angeles. Almost 21 years ago.

Forgive the penthouse “Forum” part, but it was 430 am and I was 18. I was puttin gas in my car and this mama pulled up, gassed her car up, and literally looked at me and said, “follow me”, got in her car and we drove to her house. On Boston.

I was pretty much in over my head, and she fuckin started clowning me, and the next thing I knew she was glistening with sweat beads everywhere. The whole experience was kinda out to lunch, but I remember the sweat just starting to get heavier and heavier.

It was so crazy I felt like I had just stepped out of a shower at one point. But salty.

I remember it just makin everything more glidy, and slippery and fun. I think she even felt the need to mention it at some point, like she was borderline self-conscious about it. Mamas, hear me… DON’T EVER FEEL EMBARRASSED about what happens to your body naturally, ever. It was totally jaguler.

I never saw her again, but I want you to know oh salty sweatmonster mama. that wherever you are, you made yourself into a slippy slidy roller coaster, and I was obviously very affected by you, as I’m splurtin (word in your honor) about you now.

Drench away mamas.

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