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June 5, 2009

It’s fuckin crunch time.
The Lakers and Kobe Bryant are one series away from being crowned World Champions and it’s got me nervous, scared, and fuckin kinda sick to my stomach.

Shane Loves his kid.
Shane like coffee.
Shane smokes like a chimney.
Shane HATES the fuckin Lakers.

It’s as part of my identity as anything.

Growin up in Nebraska in the early 80’s we rooted for the Celtics when they ran up against the Lakers in those awesome showdowns. We related more to Bird and the blue collar grind of their style of play, and this is where the hate was born.

I spent a good 15 years not havin to worry about any titles for the “Evil Empire”, until Shaq and Kobe.

Dealing with those three rings was really hurtful. It brought me much pain. But there was one tiny thing that made it not so bad. I couldn’t help but love shaq.

BUT THIS YEAR….

If they win this year I will be leaving LA for three or four days. I CAN’T have this shithead BRYANT win one alone.

I CAN’T!!!!!!!

There isn’t a more UNLIKABLE superstar in the history of basketball.

I imagine the Lakes winning and the thousands of illegal immigrants rollin down sunset honkin their horns with their Laker flags flyin and I wanna go crawl in a hole.

The endless texts “face bitch” that will be pouring into my blackberry.

And that fuckin awful jerk Kobe cuddling the trophy.

CALGON, TAKE ME THE FUCK AWAY!!!!

Please Dwight Howard……. PLEASE

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