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March 4, 2009

If I was a GIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRLLLLLL……..

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IF I WAS A GIRL…..

I’d be very sure before I said the words I love you.

I’d lie and say I love the presents and treats I don’t and then train him to understand exactly what treats I like and what color the treats should come in.

I’d blow him on command.

I’d realize that instead of changing him, I’d buy a jersey of his favorite team, have breakfast waitin on Sundays in the fall, and not ask “chick” questions while his favorite team is driving for a game winning TD late in the 4th.

I’d expect him to hold the door, and pay for the food in my belly, and the movie I choose whenever I want to choose.

I’d watch and figure out what he was insecure about and do a better than average job of calmin his fears in those areas.

I’d be resolute and set clear rules and regulations that make sense, because he’s a pretty simple beast by gender and is good at followin rules when they make sense to his small brain.

I’d never ever question him when he was in any way defending my honor. Even if he is doing it like a fucking caveman.

I’d breathe when I was pissed and take a minute that I’m the center of his universe even though he may have a horrible time articulating it in the manner I like.

I’d expect to be treated with respect and dignity at all times, and really let him fuckin have it if he didn’t.

I’d learn more and more that cheating or betrayal sometimes has nothing to do with being physical with someone else.

I’d realize that for him to attempt to commit to one woman sexually is as powerful as it is for me too.

I’d wear pigtails and lick a big spiral sucker if he asked.

I’d ask to go to Lincoln, Nebraska for the Colorado_Nebraska game in November.

I’d realize that maybe he ISN’T CAPABLE of reading my mind, and that I have to tell him and communicate.

I wouldn’t belittle him in front of other men.

I’d try to understand that he doesn’t want to argue about fuckin everything for the sake of arguing.

I’d only dance on tables ONCE in a while.

I’d never go to bed angry.

I’d make it pretty clear that he’s a disaster, mostly because he’s gender limited, but that he’s “my nightmare” and I have his back.

I’d tell him I love him. More than I think I should.

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