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January 18, 2009

A Word From Brownville

Greetings Earthlings! Here is the fuckin’ deal. My name is Joey Brown. I hang in Brownville, Nebraska. I got a text last night from fucking Powers. It read: “I’m buried…” I shit you not. I couldn’t believe it.

Afterall, Shane is where everybody wants to be, runnin’ around with everybody that everybody wants to be running around with, and he can’t take a moment to drop a note to the 10,000+ loyal, unique visitors making ShanePowers.com a 60 day blog wonder? A moment. A little exsistentialism never hurt anybody. Just follow directions and you could post directly from the Blackberry. Takes 30 seconds! A photo less than 5.

I replied: “C’mon! Dig deep! Get some control over your life. Do you know how hard it is to receive a text, let alone, make a blog post from a pig farm in rural Nebraska? Meet my demands and I’ll think about it.”

Joe’s Demands
Next time I’m in LA I want:

(1) Hang time with Paris.
(2) Smirnoff, Tequila & Bombay Sapphire
(3) Tacos from that Taco place
(4) A press walk so I can get on WireImage again (I’ve been BIG in Nemaha County since)
(5) Hang time with Paris.

His response: “Done!”

I replied: “If you fuck me on any of the above, I double-dare you to try & get past the doorman at TJ’s Tavern next time you come to town.”

So, I am guest posting on ShanePowers.com. Joey Bishop filled in for Carson 177 times. Leno like 300. I ain’t no Joey Bishop, but I’m better than the poster boy for comedy in a socialist state Jay Leno. If you want to guest blog on ShanePowers.com, drop a note. Maybe you will get the nod next time around.

FELLOW PIG FARMER
“Hey Joe, what did you do this weekend?”

JOEY BROWN
“I fed the pigs and guest posted on Shane Powers Dot Com.”

I see a movie here!

In the end, I’m in Brownville, Nebraska, USA, keeping the generators going in below freezing temperatures so the pigs don’t die – NOT in Park City, Utah, spending time with the A-List.

I wish my TV worked like this…
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